KoalaStar Rising:

Rejection. As an actor, this is a word that I have had to come to terms with. Growing up, I was never very good at handling rejection. I always preferred “constructive criticism” because I always wanted to know “why”. It was especially difficult for me when I didn’t get a particular part in a play because I was given no explanation, no reason as to why I didn’t get it or how I could improve for the next time around. As I’ve gotten older I’ve come to realize that in order to be a professional actor I need to have a thick skin, and I need to get used to rejection. No casting director is going to sit me down and explain to me why I didn’t get a part. They don’t have that kind of time to waste and they have much more important things to do.

I remember my friend, Joe Lambie, telling me that something like 80% of SAG (union) actors make less than $5,000 a year from acting. That’s insane! Yet, I still stick with it because acting is what keeps me going. Acting delights and excites me. It’s my calling. Sure, I could go pick an easier profession, one that guarantees a set salary for me, but it wouldn’t make me happy.

I will admit there are times I get frustrated. Times I don’t understand why I didn’t get the part, or the callback, or even the first audition. Times when I leave an audition thinking I was spot on and then I wait…I wait and I wait and I wait…And I never get “the call”. Instead of getting all upset about it, I now know that rejection is something I have to accept. I won’t get every role I audition for. Everyone gets rejected at some point in his or her career. There will always be other people going for the very same role as me, who are just as talented and have that perfect “look”. Just because I don’t get cast in something, I have to remember that it’s nothing against me personally and it doesn’t mean I’m a terrible actor. In fact, it often has nothing to do with my acting abilities at all.

I guess the reason I wrote all this out is because I’m in kind of in an acting slump right now. I keep getting auditions and even some callbacks, but I’m not actually getting any roles, which is somewhat disconcerting to me. This is not to say I’m going to give up anytime soon or anything. As I stated in an earlier post, I’m way too stubborn for that. I think I just needed to get my feelings out on this matter. I feel better already.

Every actor has a role that they have been longing to play for as long as they can remember. For me, when it comes to theater it’s pretty simple. I have always wanted to have the opportunity to play Lady Macbeth because I find her character to be one of the most difficult, most compelling in of all of Shakespeare’s plays. I also know that if I am ever offered the chance to play Sally Bowles in Cabaret, I’ll drop whatever I am doing so I can take it.

When it comes to film, it gets a little bit trickier. Sure, there are certain movies that I wish I had the opportunity to be a part of (when they were first made), but it’s not the same. In theater, shows are constantly being revived so it’s acceptable to want to play a part in a show that has already been on Broadway, whereas most people scoff at films when they are remade.

On very rare occasions I’ll read about an audition or I’ll get submitted for a role that makes me think, “Wow, if I didn’t know better, I’d swear this role was made for me”. This is not to say that I don’t think I’m right for all the roles I audition for, it’s just that it’s pretty rare for me to find a role that specifically calls for a young South Asian American.

A couple of days ago I came across a role for a movie that jumped out at me. The description of the character fit me to a tee. When I told my friends about it they couldn’t believe how perfect it was for me. I scrambled to get my headshots and resume together and I added a personal cover letter (something I only do when I want to really stand out). I even mailed my submission out that very same day because I was so excited.

It’s now been two days (not including the weekend) and I haven’t heard anything back. Do I think I’m out of the running? No, not yet because I know how difficult the whole selection process is for casting directors and I know it can take some time to hear back. I mean, for all I know they may have received hundreds of submissions that they have to go through and sort out. Am I getting a little nervous? Yes (it’s only human, right?).

I really hope that I get “the call” so make sure to keep your fingers crossed for me. I like to daydream that perhaps this will be the part that puts me on the map. Will this role fulfill me in same way that Lady Macbeth does, or The Witch, or Sally Bowles? I guess only time will tell.